What Writing Rose Colored Glasses Taught Me About the Power of Naming Your Pain

By Janelle Alexis | Author Journey

Before I started writing this book, I thought I had already done the work. I thought I had processed the hard things, moved on, built the life, become the version of myself that was on the other side of the storm. And then I sat down to write chapter three, and I discovered that what I had done was not process the pain — I had organized it. Filed it. Placed it in a drawer where I did not have to look at it every day.

Writing forced the drawer open.

The Difference Between Surviving and Processing

Surviving something and processing something are not the same act. Survival is about function — getting through the day, maintaining the business, being present for the people who need you. Processing is about truth — going back to the place that hurt you and looking at it clearly, without the defenses you built to protect yourself in real time.

Most of us are excellent survivors. Far fewer of us are practiced processors. And the gap between those two — the unprocessed experiences that live in the body, the nervous system, the quiet moments — is where memoir writing lives. That gap is where Rose Colored Glasses was born.

What Naming Does

There is something almost alchemical about giving something a name. When you can say precisely what happened, who did what, how it made you feel, what it cost you — the thing loses some of its power over you. It does not disappear. But it becomes a thing you can see rather than a fog you are constantly navigating through.

Writing this book was the most demanding and most liberating thing I have done in my adult life. By the final chapter, I felt lighter than I had in years. Not because the hard things were undone, but because they were finally named. Witnessed by me, on the page, in my own words. That witnessing was everything.

An Invitation

You do not have to write a book to do this work. But I do think there is something powerful about writing your story down — even in a private journal, even in imperfect sentences, even just for yourself. Try it. Name the thing. See what happens when you stop carrying it without a name.

And if you want to read how I did it, Rose Colored Glasses is available now. I would love it to find you.

— Janelle Alexis