Starting over after divorce at 40 or 50 is hard, and it is more common than most women realize. The good news: midlife is not too late to rebuild a life you actually like. It starts with getting through the next few months one honest step at a time, and with the holidays coming, that step matters more than ever.
That is the heart of Rose Colored Glasses, Janelle Alexis Flatt’s 28-chapter memoir about betrayal, a marriage destroyed by infidelity, a brutal divorce, and the slow, messy work of rebuilding. Here is what women who are starting over can take from it, plus a few practical moves for the season ahead.
You are not the only one starting over at midlife
If it feels like everyone around you is still married, the numbers say otherwise. Researchers at Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Family and Marriage Research found that the divorce rate for adults 50 and older roughly doubled between 1990 and 2008, even as the overall U.S. divorce rate declined. In 2017 alone, more than 340,000 women age 50 and older divorced. “Gray divorce” is not a fringe experience. It is a whole generation of women starting new chapters.
Knowing that will not make the paperwork lighter, but it can quiet the voice that says you failed. You did not fail. You are in good company.
Take off the rose-colored glasses (gently)
The title of Janelle’s memoir is the lesson: for years, it is easy to see a relationship the way you want it to be instead of the way it is. When the lenses finally shatter, the first feeling is usually grief. The second, eventually, is clarity. As the book puts it, when the rose-colored lenses shatter, the view is sharper, and so are you.
A few ways to let that clarity work for you:
- Write the real story down. Not the version you tell at brunch. The honest one. Seeing it on paper helps you stop arguing with what happened.
- Name what you will not accept again. Three non-negotiables is plenty to start.
- Notice who shows up. Divorce is a fast way to learn who your real people are.
Surviving the first holidays after divorce
October through December can be the toughest stretch of the first year. Old traditions suddenly have empty chairs, and custody calendars turn celebrations into logistics. Plan before the season plans you:
- Decide the big days now. Settle Thanksgiving and the December holidays early, in writing if you co-parent, so nobody is negotiating on the day.
- Keep one tradition, retire one, start one. Hold onto something that still feels like you, let go of something that only belonged to the marriage, and try something new.
- Fill the gaps on purpose. If the kids are with your ex, book a friendsgiving, volunteer, or plan a getaway rather than waiting alone for the day to end.
- Protect your budget. Divorce often changes finances. Gifts can be small and meaningful. Overspending to prove you are fine usually backfires in January.
- Limit the scroll. Holiday photos on social media are highlight reels. Mute what you need to.
Rebuild your identity, not just your schedule
One of the most painful parts of midlife divorce is realizing how much of your identity was wrapped up in being half of a couple. Rose Colored Glasses follows Janelle through that rebuilding: building a business while quietly falling apart, and eventually reclaiming a life that was finally her own.
Rebuilding usually happens in small, unglamorous moves:
- Take back one space. Rearrange the bedroom, repaint a wall, change your hair. Small physical changes signal a new chapter.
- Reconnect with an old interest. What did you love before the marriage took up all the room?
- Invest in your own income and credit. Financial independence is confidence you can measure.
- Move your body. Not to punish it. To remember it belongs to you.
Get real support
Friends are essential, but they are not a substitute for professional help when grief, anxiety or anger start to run your days. The American Psychological Association notes that divorce can bring depression, loneliness, isolation and self-esteem struggles. A licensed therapist can help you work through them. A divorce support group, a financial planner who works with newly single women, and a good attorney are all part of the team.
If you ever feel unsafe, or are having thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. This post is general information, not legal, financial or medical advice. Please talk with qualified professionals about your situation.
Read the story that started it all
Rose Colored Glasses is for every woman who has worn a smile she did not feel, stayed longer than she should have, or rebuilt herself without applause. It is raw, darkly funny and, above all, proof that you can lose almost everything and come back sharper.
Get Rose Colored Glasses: Amazon paperback · Kindle · Audiobook · Barnes & Noble · Apple Books. Reading with friends? Try the Rose Colored Glasses Book Club, or see all of Janelle’s books.
FAQ
Is 50 too old to start over after divorce?
No. The divorce rate for adults 50 and older has roughly doubled since 1990, so many women are rebuilding at the same stage of life. Midlife often brings more self-knowledge, which can make the next chapter more intentional.
How do you get through the first holidays after a divorce?
Plan early. Settle custody and holiday schedules ahead of time, keep one meaningful tradition, start one new one, and fill any time alone with people or plans you choose.
What book should I read after a midlife divorce?
Many readers turn to memoirs from women who have lived it. Rose Colored Glasses by Janelle Alexis Flatt covers infidelity, divorce and reinvention with brutal honesty and humor, and is often recommended for fans of Wild and Educated.
Sources: Bowling Green State University, NCFMR: Gray Divorce Rate in the U.S.; American Psychological Association: Divorce; 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
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